What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
10.06.2025 14:52
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Does Donald Trump have low self-esteem?
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Washington governor activates National Guard in search for accused killer, Travis Decker - KATU
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I couldn’t, believe it.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
YieldMax® ETFs Announces Distributions on XYZY, WNTR, SMCY, AIYY, MSTY, and Others - GlobeNewswire
She married twice! .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
June 1 — and dramatically reduced buyout — arrives for Bill Belichick - NBC Sports
But ive been too sick for many years..
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
The Silent Virus Behind Mono Is Now a Prime Suspect in Major Diseases - Bloomberg
My life is so biszare .
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
James Webb Space Telescope unveils fiery origins of a distant, hellish exoplanet - Space
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
She loved him until the end.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
If You Have an Asus Router, You Need to Check If It's Been Hacked - Lifehacker
On the 31st of Jan this month .
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Do you have any problem dating a younger man?
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Traders Scour for ‘Elusive’ Catalyst to Push S&P 500 to Record - Bloomberg
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
What is the best way to keep my vagina clean and fresh?
What did i know ?
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Abby Lee Miller Sues Cedars-Sinai Hospital, Claims Doctors Left Catheter in Her Body - TMZ
I said to her
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
My family never makes their pension either.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I never cut or harmed myself..
One cannot live in the past .
The only rule us 5 kids had .
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
As i do to all so called friends.?
She found it foreign!.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I waited trembling.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Im still living with it.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
And who doesn’t know suffering?
He resisted the act ,that day.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
So, i spoilt her more .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I was very sick at this time too.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
But it wasn’t much.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
We were not on the streets..
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
We all went to grammer schools
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Ive learnt so much.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Who then, do I blame.?
I was 9 years of age.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Comes on , in middle age.
I think the readers, may guess!
I will be 64.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I could never make a relationship work though!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
She was in good health!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
So whats the point in blame.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
When she asked me how she looked .
I was scared of men, in general
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Where the ultimate outsiders.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
He knew the spot.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Would this be the day?
Was to survive, this bastard.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I write beautiful poetry .
Especially a lifetime of it.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
All the time i was locked up.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I have no regrets .
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Put me off passion for life!!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I was seconnd youngest,
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
This is soul school!.
Why did i forgive my father ?
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
It was going to be , some day.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
But, we were locked up after school.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
She wouldn,t have been !
(And it was in our own minds.)
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
And i lived it daily.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I don,t even have a pension.